Last Night

I swear last night I had so much fun and it was wonderful. Yes I was high... and I was also drinking and the timing of it all along with how much I had was JUUUUUUST right. I can't deny it but it always just puts me into the right state of mind, and I'm soo happy. There's nothing that can phase me, and even when things still are bothering me I know it's going to be okay. Everytime I lose myself it's like a movie... a film. And everytime it's an oscar winning one if it could be seen through my eyes. It's wonderful. The best actors you could ask for... and they're all perfectly in character of course because they're playing themselves, and I just love it I think it's brilliant. And another thing when I'm high I notice how beautiful everyone is. I walked around this party and I just noticed just how wonderful everyone looked, and it was great. I don't why but it's just so much more appealing. It's a pity I couldn't see myself. Another thing I must say is I notice so many more things when I'm high. For example my friend last night.. we've had our ups and downs, but as we were driving in the car I looked to her and I just realized how much I Love who she is. She drinks a lot. She has sex. She doesn't give a fuck about it being wrong or not in the right way and she has fun, and she gets what she needs, and most importantly she's happy. And she doesn't let things weigh her down. She just says fuck it and she just goes and she gets what she wants, and it may make her selfish in so many ways and spoiled but that's good. That's how it should be. She's free. I spend all my life worried about everything but myself. And to be honestly on that car ride I realized that I envy her for how she lives and to be honest I wish I had the courage to be like that. But all in all it was such an experience, and it's still fresh in my head. I'm I've been left in just a happy mood today and I hope it keeps up. Life is just starting...

It's my birthday

I'm 21 finally! Not that I was anticipating it so much. 2010 has been so crazy for me thus far. I tore my ACL. Went through so many emotional situations. Made great friends and lost some for no reason at all. I smoked for the first time... both ways. SHHHHH. I blacked out for the first time! And wound up in the hospital! D: Then got kicked out of housing for the fall semester as a result!! D: I had a life changing experience on 4/20. I went to my first rock concert and it's changed my life! I got MSRA last week and im recovering from it now! I feel as if I've been getting into so many things and it's nice actually. I've held back a lot in the past and even though I'm not going fully crazy I'm exploring now. I may be a late bloomer but I'm glad I've waited. I'm still learning so much and I don't think I will ever stop learning. I'm happy to be alive. I have over a $1000 in hospital bills to pay and I need $200 for my brace but I'm not bothered. I can't wait to just keep going see what life has waiting for me. I feel as if this year has changed me so much and I'm now ready to just do it all... and the great thing is I feel I can do all of this and still stay true to myself which is what I care about. :)