I'm angry.
I just don't get why people do things sometimes, and I'm always left on the train tracks and ran over because I care so much. I care about my friends more than I do myself, and I'm extending myself to try make everything right, and not have the wrong things happen, and I get lied to and then the wrong things still just go and happen.
It kills me.
Why is it people go and make mistakes when they're drunk? And I can't seem to make any kind of mistake... but their mistakes hurt me. More than it ever hurts them I think. I feel like I've failed them... just like everything else.
Everyone goes out and gets silly.. and they let go of everything. And for a moment they feel good.. and I don't know if it's really worth it. But for some point in time they let loose. People even drink just to do this. To make those wrong decisions and then not be held accountable for it because they were drunk. But I can't seem to do it.
And my friend tells me it's because I'm different. I'm not built the same way as everyone else. I care way too much about myself and everyone else to something like that. Maybe to the point where I can never do anything. If this is the case and I am just different... a rare collectible... than I don't know how I'm ever going to last through this life. Because it's hard to handle. I can't make those mistakes.. or lose control and get a release in some way. Not in that wrong way. Not if it's fake.. or brought on by some chemical influence.
And I think this could possibly end me because in a way I need it very badly.. but it's just not there. So I guess I can watch my friends make wrong decisions and regret them later, while I keep trying to make the right ones but still continue to die from the inside...
Maybe morally some of these people you're talking about are "ugly" on the inside. Morally you know what is right and wrong and whether you are drunk or sober you won't cross the lines you've drawn for yourself.
ReplyDeleteCall it a curse, but your not alone, I'm right there with ya man. I don't drink because I feel that if I can't do something when I'm sober, then I shouldn't be doing it anyways. I want to enjoy life as the way I am, not the way I wish I were. Its like "The Nutty Professor" would you rather be Prof. Klump or Buddy Love?
Some people just don't want to accept responsibility for their actions and make excuses for doing socially unacceptable things that they are too scared to do when they're not drunk "drunk actions are sober thoughts." Maybe your friends wish they were different but your the only one who is in touch enough with himself to put himself out there and try to figure out how to make things better nstead of going for the "quick fix" by getting drunk and temorarily forgetting their problems.
i don't do that either. i don't go get drunk just to let loose. i don't do it just so i can make bad decisions and not be held accountable. Im different to i guess. not just like you, but still like you. I think those are stupid reasons to get drunk. sometimes yes it is good to let go but not all the time like most people do. thats not healthy for your mind or your body and it just hurts people more in the long run. thy might be letting lose and making all those wrong decisions but at the end of the day, and at the end of their life, there just going to hurt more, because of those bad choices they made throughout their lives. if thats really how someone wants to live their life then go ahead, i cant stop them from making their own decisions. i agree with the anonymous person above. i think your a genuinely good person and i like how you are different and make the right decisions. i also like how much you care about other people and seem to put all of your friends before yourself. i admire that. but i also think sometimes there are just some things that you cant control. and i think thats one of the problems you have. we might have talked about that at one point but im not sure. you shouldn't feel like you've failed the person because you couldn't prevent their bad decisions or help them. you should try and you do because you care, but once you've tried to help someone and they continue to make bad decisions, you just have to let them be because its their life. and even though it hurts you, you have to come to that realization. people are going to make their own decisions and thats just life. you cant always fix everything. i know the thought of not being able to help someone hurts but its reality. not everyone is going to listen to you. its happened to me before. one of my best friends is exactly like what you described. i tried over and over to help her and it didn't work. these are just the realizations that ive come to. i hope this helps in some way.
ReplyDeleteHey man i feel exactly where your coming form. I don't get drunk and just let it all fly loose either. The way i feel about it is that its only temporary treatment for the problems that people have in life. People Feel the need to have to "fit in" so they just do what the majority of what everyone else is doing. I guarantee that if being sober was the norm and being drunk and acting a fool was out of ordinary which one do you think people would choose?
ReplyDeletePeople fixate themselves with a fascination of "living in the moment" and getting completely wasted doing things they will so call "never forget." Well almost all of the time they end up not even knowing what happened and what was supposed to be the best night of there lives turns into just several hundred dead brain cells and other peoples stories of what happened
I can honestly tell you right now that my fondest memories in my life had absolutely NOTHING to do with alcohol. There wasn't a beer can bottle or cup anywhere in sight. If you made me choose between the funs times we had growing up and the drunken crazy parties we experience now i would choose the fun times when we were little any day! Be the best person you can be for yourself and the right person or persons will come into your life.Your true friends come out at this time and you will soon realize that...
I love the way that was put.. I never thought of it in that way and it made me feel better about it to be honest. Because it's just the truth about people who use alcohol as an excuse. I realize I have to let people make their own mistakes but it truly hurts me when it's my friends. Especially when they come to me and tell me how they never want to do those things. And lastly I have definitely never had a drinking moment that tops any of the ones I've had growing up and having fun with friends completely sober, and that definitely means something. I thank you guys for the input it definitely helped me get through that time a lot.
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