In Limbo

Play this song as you read this post... It basically captures how I feel... the emotions.

It's been awhile since I posted last I know but I'm into the semester and it's been interesting. Wrestling is going as always, new classes, added stress, the social life... but recently something unexpected just leaped into my way.

The past week I met someone that I feel I have a connection with... and them to me. For the first time ever I think... I was comfortable, around someone I felt a way about. She caught my eye earlier but as always that means nothing. I had no idea about what was in her heart... what her soul was like.

It's just in my nature I guess to watch people... and I grow interest to what attracts me naturally. She drew my interest. I talked with her some once at a party but I still didn't know from that. Being how I am I look for a relationship... for a connection, trust, Love... someone with similar morals to mine, and similar interests. Someone just right. And in this I've never really ever found someone who's been that "just right," or thought I was "just right" either.

So the next week I ended up hanging out with friends... her being one of them. I went into it as I usually do. I'm shy... especially around people I'm attracted to, but I for some reason it wasn't really that much of a bother for me this time. We started talking me and her and all of that anxiety left me really. We talked & talked & talked... and there was so much we had in common. There were some things we disagreed on but they were playful. What was important we mutual Loved. All while this was happening the attraction I had before grew, and it just became overwhelming.

As the weekend went on we would hang out more... and all the while the connection in my eyes grew. It was surreal. I've never once in my life felt this way... because I still feel it now too. And it made me tell myself that I want it... completely. Nothing more... and I'd be happy. And I've now made this my mission... to prove to her that I'm worth her time. That I can fulfill everything she'd ever want, because I feel so passionately about this I know I can. And I just want to get that opportunity.

So I'm now in what I've dubbed "Love Limbo." Because I'm in the waiting ground to see what will become of this. As when people wait to find out if they'll go to Heaven or Hell... I'm waiting to find out if this will sink like the Titanic or Sail endlessly. And it I must say it's torture. I'm fragile from years of hurt, and from being accustomed to failure. I'm afraid to get so high off of this because it can just turn out to fail on me like everything else.

I don't see myself as much of value either so it's very scary right now. She's all I think about... which is bad this early maybe? And I don't want to give off the wrong idea. That I just want sex... or to push too hard. Or bee to careful and fall into a friend zone. It's all new to me and I'm just afraid to fuck things up... because I believe if I do things right everything will work out.

Soo that's where I am now... trying to prove my worth and win her heart. But even though it's so difficult for me I'm realizing more and more I just need to be myself... as I did that first night. I keep looking to the more experienced but no one has more experience as Travone than Travone. And if it's meant to be (I hope it fucking is) Love will make it happen. But for right now I'm just playing chess... In Limbo.