Shit it's V-Day...

So I've come to realize that it's Valentine's Day... which is interesting for me with the events that occurred to me recently. If you don't know check my last couple of posts. But I'm here on the day all about relationships & Love and I find myself really taking a look at what it all might really mean.

In a way I feel as if I've become numb to V-Day. It really used to bug me in that I wanted a relationship so bad, but at this point I've become so accustomed to hurt, or just letdowns I feel as if it's just comforting in a sick sort of way. Also, maybe it's just something that goes along with me being mature as I'm getting older? Yeah who knows...

I look at myself... as I do every time I experience a setback of some sort in my life and try to improve on my mistakes, and I think I've made an insane breakthrough about this process. I suddenly just thought about WHAT is wrong with me? As always... and I look to see what changes I need to make in order to accomplish what I want and I've kind of come up with a new theory. I've continuously looked into myself to change who I am for the better. Whether it be in being outgoing, approach, cunning, whatever it may be and every time I end up where I am now it's as if I just re-winded a VHS and am right back where I started.

And that's when I thought... maybe I need to stop trying to change myself. Maybe confidence, and being outgoing, or bold, or gutsy just isn't something I will ever be, and trying to change is just wasting my time over and over? Maybe just how I am now someone will come and everything will click. Maybe I should give up on self improvement and just live with myself now.

I also started to think the triangles we often find ourselves in. One likes another... and in turn that person is stuck on another, and no one wins. And I think of why this always happens. We put a fixture on what we want and what we feel will work and sometimes I wonder... maybe we've all passed on what was a good match over and over. Maybe you have to give the person not in your viewfinder a shot... I think it happens so often they appear we're just looking elsewhere and we overlook it. When quite possible that could've been the most beautiful relationship all along. What I'm just trying to say is maybe that's what we need to realize. The right opportunities show themselves all the time and we overlook them. I wonder if people get married to what they originally thought was their dream. I'm guessing not... it's usually someone different who turned out to be everything they need.

We have this image and this feeling that we've all put together from films. We make it alter how we look at things. Sometimes I think we just have to take off that layer of glamor. I've overlooked people and I've been overlooked and these probably could've made the best connections of all.

Maybe we look for it in the wrong ways. Using alcohol to to maybe find something. Or maybe not using alcohol and just waiting it out is the wrong way. I really don't know but looking at my experiences I think I feel it's all something to think about. We look at relationships as something that needs time to last as well and I'm starting to think you just can't measure it in that way. I want to say I think of Love as a snapshot. A photo. It's like a still image... it captures memories, an emotion, and that image lasts forever. Things might change... you might not be 5 anymore, but you can always go back to that photo and it'll be there. And I feel that is what a relationship is. Regardless of how it ends... if it's still going... whatever, we can look back at love we've had, and remember that for what it was.

There's just so much to think about. Not to mention the many relationships out there today that will be celebrating even though they're unfaithful... they lie... take advantage. So for everyone like me who's at a weird place in their life and they aren't sure what to do... I'd say to take a look back at everything. And notice everything in your viewfinder... Consider it all. Think about what matters, but never settle for anything that won't give you JUST as much. And don't be afraid to try something new.. I know it's hard believe me... but we'll never know unless we try right? I've failed time and time again but I'm still alive somehow, and I'm still going.

So take chances... you never know how it could turn out. Be true to yourself. Give your all. If you feel it's there try... Someone will notice you for what's inside. Think as Valentines Day as just another pit stop on the way towards your destination. And don't count anyone out... Your Love is also your friend. You never know.